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credit: starsandstripes and sportsillustrated

Gentle readers, I’m sooooo tired of all the political gloom and doom.  Why only yesterday, Gropin’ Joe Biden told us if Trump is reelected, the suburbs will be “blown away in superstorms”!  As we all know, D/S/Cs are all about science, so Joe must be right.  After all, AOC said we have 12, or maybe 10, years left, and that was one or two years ago…anyway, we don’t have much time, so we had better make the best of it.  I’ll get back to the usual “we’re doomed, I tell you, doooooomed!” stuff Thursday, but for today, I thought I’d prove normal Americans are into science too, and slightly revise an article I first posted back in July of 2018 when weightier subjects—like breasts!—were on our minds…actually, when aren’t they on our minds?

The left is certain of many things, but one thing, perhaps, more than any: America is not an exceptional nation.  Well gentle readers, we finally have proof that demonstrates that negative view of American exceptionalism is dead wrong, and it’s proof about a matter of world-wide interest and importance: American women have the biggest breasts in the world!  Is this a great country or what?!

So rejoice, men!  Er, I mean, actual men, not metrosexuals, pajama boys, or beings of indeterminate status that identify as female, just like to pee in women’s bathrooms, or don’t identify as anything at all because there is no such thing as gender, or there are 57 of them, or something. Gotta be inclusive these days.  Seventeen.com reports:

That’s us, on top where we belong, like breasts.

Science — not just boring physics equations. Apparently, science can also be used to determine some pretty wacky stuff, like which country’s women have the largest breasts in the world. According to a new study published in the Journal of Female Health Sciences, American women have the biggest busts.

See?  It’s science! D/S/Cs are always complaining that their political opponents–pretty much anyone that disagrees with them about anything–hate science.  Not me, no sir.  This is science I can embrace–as often as possible–strictly for scientific research, mind you.

Since bra sizes vary so wildly between countries (an American D-cup, for example, is labeled an F in Europe), researchers measured the volume of breast tissue in 11,682 women ages 28 – 30 from 108 different countries.

Darn it!  I miss all the good job listings!  Maybe now that I’m retired and have more time for very specific job searches…I certainly have experience and loads of aptitude and enthusiasm…

The study analysis revealed that there is a considerable variation in the breast tissue volume… of women depending on their country of birth,” the researchers wrote. ‘For example women born in the U.S.A have by far larger breasts than women in any other country, while women born in Africa and Asia, particularly in the East Asian countries, have the smallest breast volumes.”

The average American woman in this study was found to wear a D-cup (according to the American size system), whereas several countries in Africa and Asia had an average of an A-cup or smaller.

Researchers found that white American women have larger breasts than white women born in other countries in part due to the fact that American women’s breasts tend to be rounder in shape. The rounder a breast is, the more volume it’s likely to fill.

Here’s more interesting scientific stuff from the actual study.  It appears to have been written by an Indian (the continent, not domestic American). I love the rhythm and melody of an Indian accent, particularly spoken by women with any size breasts.

As international trade and traveling are rapidly increasing, it is necessary to create globally comparable standards for clothing industry. The study analysis showed that in particular the lingerie and sportswear industries need internationally established standards as both the breast size, the shape of the breasts and the cup size labelling vary remarkably from country to country.

Based on the present study results the researcher group concluded that the recent update of the International Breast Shape Standard (IBSS) was of outmost importance for a number of commercial reasons and psycho-social considerations related to the smooth interaction between people of different geographical origin. 

It’s a small world after all; it’s a small world, after all (except, thank goodness, in America)…

The findings of the present study confirm the need of geographically based adaptation of the products. A typical Caucasian woman born in the U.S.A. has a breast volume of 1668 ml and the highest quartile of Caucasian U.S. women has a mean breast volume as high as 2986 ml. In the Philippines, the mean breast volume is only 111 ml and even the highest quartile of Filipino women has a mean breast volume of only 179 ml.

In other words, 25% of Caucasian U.S. women have a total mean breastmass of about 5,7 kg, while a Filipino woman belonging to the bustiest quartile in her country, only has a total breast mass of about 0,3 kg. The kinetic forces generated by the movement of a U.S. women ́s breasts are nearly 20 times higher than the forces generated by the breasts of a Filipino women.

USA! US!, USA… That’s typical?!  Where? Obviously wherever I’m not.  And now they really get into some science stuff:

In practical terms this means for that when an average U.S. woman of the highest volume quartile is running (8 m/s) and stops within a distance of 0,5 m, her breasts generate a kinetic force of 370 N, which equals to the gravitation force of a mass of nearly 38 kg. In the same situation the breasts of a Filipino woman, who belongs to the highest volume quartile in her country, generate a kinetic force of not more than 19 N, which equals to the gravitation force of a mass of less than 2 kg.

The absolute difference in the forces generated by the breasts of U.S. women and the breasts of Filipino women is even larger in situations associated with higher acceleration than the example.

Taking to account the large differences in the breast mass and kinetic forces it is obvious that the expectations on the structural stability of a bra product intended for the U.S. market are totally different than for the products intended for the Philippine market or other Asian markets.

Wow.  All those years when I’ve seen men looking at women’s breasts, they were actually calculating gravitational mass and structural stability!  Obviously, this is an important reason we need more women in STEM fields:

According to previous studies the breasts of a typical U.S. woman have very durable and rigid suspensory ligaments which position her breasts firmly high upon the chest wall and also give the breasts quite a rigid hemispherical shape. However, although U.S. women have relatively firm breasts, it is obvious that a bra of a U.S. woman has to stand up structural stress of a totally different magnitude than a bra of a woman of Filipino or other Asian origin. 

And to the delight–I’m sure–of actual men, sports are involved too:

The need of market-specific product adaption is most apparent concerning sports bras. A typical U.S. woman needs a stabile bra that is able to withstand high kinetic forces without damage to the fabrics or supportive structures. In order to meet her needs a bra needs to have strong stabilizing structures made of advanced durable materials, but also comfortable cup materials like microfiber, cotton or polyester-polyester copolymer (Lyctra, Spandex). (Fig. 20)

In contrast, a typical Asian woman expects even her sports bra to be padded and affordable. Her needs can be met even by inexpensive bras with a simple sheer fabric construction made of materials like viscose or rayon. (Fig. 19, 20)

The knowledge of the psycho-social aspects of the breast volume variation has increased considerably in the last decade. Research conducted at the Victoria University of Wellington showed that breasts are often the first thing men look at, and for a longer time than other body parts. This may be due to the fact that larger breasts indicate higher levels of estrogen and are therefore a sign of greater fertility. Most people regard female breasts to be highly erotic. It is well known that large breasts cause strong sexual desire in heterosexual men.

I wonder how much this study cost?  I could have provided that information for a lot less.  Scientists and policy makers, my e-mail address is in the header.  But it’s not all roses.  Breasts are hard on women too:

A number of recent psychological studies have concluded that breast size is an important factor not only for interaction between women and men, but also between female individuals.

A woman ́s breast size correlates positively with her sexual attractiveness and social prestige. It is well known that any unforeseen variations of the interpersonal prestige factors impede the interaction between people and cause stress for those individuals whose prestige factors become relatively inferior due to the unexpected change.

Who knew the Horndog-in-Chief was such a scientist?

It seems they’re also hard on foreign exchange students:

Several leading behavioral psychologists recommend that young people, who travel abroad for the first time, should have access to appropriate information on country- specific differences in women ́s breast size.

It has been shown that young women who come to the United States as exchange students have a very high incidence of mental problems related to their body image and self-esteem.

In-depth interviews of the affected exchange students have revealed that one of the key reasons for the problems is that they feel anxiety, when they realize that their breasts are so substantially smaller in size than the breasts of U.S females. Such an unexpected observation is especially difficult for young females to deal with, because their own sexuality and body image may still be quite fragile. They are already well aware of the breasts role as an important secondary sexual characteristic of females, so they know that women with large breasts are seen as being more desirable by the opposite sex.

Female foreigners speak English as a second language. Apparently, American men’s second language is breasts.  It’s also the answer to the universal question “why do men do that?  Breasts.

The results of the present study can also be used to increase the general awareness of the geographically based variation of women ́s breast size. Increasing awareness can be expected to contribute to a smoother interaction between individuals of different geographical origin.

Once again gentle readers, SMM is proud to contribute to positive international relations–and breasts. It’s a pleasure, and you’re welcome.