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It must be true; he’d never lie about a thing like that… That’s impressive…

AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

I hate it when that happens…

Yeah, Chris…

Dog delusions…

Helpful home storage hint…

Should’ve taken the hint in the first place…

Nah. I think we’ll wait another century or so, and see what happens…

Scarcity will do that…

Stupidity will do that…

It was inevitable…

So is this…

I’m not sure whether he’s been around too much nuclear waste, or it’s the people who hired him/her/it/they/them…

What, experience doesn’t matter anymore?

Oh, I don’t think they’re nearly that manly…

I think we’re gonna need a bigger book…

This will be one of the main lessons…

What, you mean men can’t get pregnant?! But I bought all those maternity clothes!

Nah, that would never work…

I believe it is…

Definitions…

There’s such a thing as an appropriate mullet?

Wait I thought he was compromised by China…

Why not just call it “Bob?”

Yes. Yes they did.

Count your blessings…

And in the just because it’s ridiculously cute department…

Awwwwwwwww…

If you haven’t already, consider buying a copy of License To Kill. If you’re interested in how the police get it wrong, there is no better primer, and my 50 children need winter coats and boots.  It’s 50 miles to school, uphill both ways—over broken glass and thumbtacks, naked, with casts on each leg and both arms, in a blizzard with a hurricane, and climate change, while avoiding the same sniper fire Hillary Clinton had to dodge in Vietnam with Richard Blumenthal, while being first in their law school class with Joe Biden, while simultaneously driving a semi and facing down Corn Pop while falling down stairs and eating ice cream while reading a teleprompter and trying to figure out how to get off the stage.

 If you get the book directly through the publisher, I’ll make a few cents more than if you get it at Amazon. It’s $17.99 at either source, and Amazon has a $4.99 Kindle edition.  Positive comments on Amazon about LTK would be great too.  Go here to comment.

And now, more humor from Richard Lederer’s classic book The Revenge Of Anguished English, which is a collection of accidentally funny things people have written and said.  This week, more sports gaffes:

“I’m not sure what his points are, but without knowing what his points are, I’d say he has some good points.” John McEnroe

“That’s one of the best sets I’ve ever seen Tomas Zib play—although I should preface that by saying I haven’t seen him play before.” John McEnroe

“If Pete Rose brings the Reds in, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement.” Harry Caray

“Tony Gwynn has been named player of the year for April.” Ralph Kiner

“Leo Label has been competing with a pulled stomach muscle, which shows a lot of guts.” Jim McKay

“This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing.” Pat Glenn, weight lifting commentator

These days we need humor more than ever.  I’ll see you next Sunday, and I hope, every other day too!