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Biden orders a burger!!!  He’s just like us!!!!

When Presidentish Joe Biden stages a ‘surprise’ burger order as part of a political ploy to boast about the economy, what’s a respected newspaper to do?

Gush like a schoolgirl, apparently.

In his official capacity as an elected official who can’t even order lunch without making it political, Biden called a new local restaurant to order a burger with a side of braggadocio.

Brittany was caught so off guard that she was well-lit and on her mark for the camera she pretended not to notice.

She wasn’t expecting a call from POTUS, mind you, but from the videography to the drooling press coverage, the whole thing was more stagey than a high school production of Our Town.

I’m sure this wasn’t staged. Who could expect the White House cooking staff to make something as complex as a hamburger? Doesn’t Joe know about this?

Ooops.  Our bad… 

President Joe Biden’s Energy Department quietly published a congressionally mandated report in December showing the president revoking the Keystone XL Pipeline federal permits cost thousands of jobs and billions of dollars.

 Energy’s report indicated the Keystone XL project would have created between 16,149 and 59,468 jobs annually for a two-year period, which is up from a 2014 report sponsored by the department that showed it would have only created 3,900 direct jobs and 21,050 total jobs over a two-year construction.

Additionally, the report, citing multiple studies, showed that there would have been a positive economic impact of between $3.4-9.6 billion over the lifetime of the project.

But other than that, killing Keystone has been a positive thing. Does Joe know about this?

We’re not gonna make it, are we?

While [Stephanie Matto] was running an 18-and-over fan subscription platform, similar to OnlyFans, she received a lot of requests for her farts. ;I always thought that was a complete joke,’ she said.

But last year, she said, she decided to sell her farts as an ‘experiment’ to see if anybody would actually purchase them.

Her first batch of 97, each selling for $500, ended up selling out instantly, she said. The second shipment, selling for $1,000, also sold out, she said. Matto said she made approximately $200,000 total.

Hmmm. Why am I certain trying to sell my farts wouldn’t end well?  Now I’m certain we’re not going to make it:

That oughta frighten the cattle and stampede the women and children, and so will this:

Now fonts are racist–or something:

On Tuesday, Secretary of State Antony Blinken issued an order banning the use of Times New Roman font in all State Department communications.

Why is Times New Roman, which was created in 1932, suddenly so problematic? If you guessed it was because the Biden administration determined the font was racist, I wouldn’t blame you for thinking so. Given recent developments, it seemed inevitable that someone would declare that all serif fonts are tools of white supremacy.

But, believe it or not, for once, the decision actually had to do with something entirely different.

The State Department is ditching Times New Roman out of a desire to be more ‘inclusive’ to ‘employees who are visually impaired or have other difficulties reading,’ according to the Washington Post. The paper received a copy of the department-wide memo, which was cringingly titled ‘The Times (New Roman) are a-Changin.’

But of course, because our Department of State has no higher priorities. This is really special:

Who could have imagined Americans don’t want to be lectured by woke candy? The Babylon Bee:

This is classic, and not stupid:

There must be something in the water in Minnesota: 

Last month five contributors signed off on an op-ed column to the Star Tribune supporting their push for menstrual equity. Two of the five are DFL legislators — Senator Steve Cwodzinski and Rep. Sandra Feist. They were joined by ‘menstrual educator’ Carolyn Handke, National Council of Jewish Women Minnesota executive director Erica Solomon, and Hopkins High School Student Elif Ozturk.

They support passage of the Menstrual Equity Bill (HF44/SF50). According to the column: ‘This bill will require all Minnesota district and charter schools to provide free menstrual products in all bathrooms, grades four through 12, ensuring access for all students who menstruate.’ Their column concluded on this appropriately insane note: ‘In 2023 we must show our commitment to our women, girls and all menstruators in Minnesota schools….’ All menstruators are created equal, or something.

I’m sure they’ll be writing a law mandating frozen tomato juice to stick up their butts in boy’s restrooms. It’s all a state of mind, don’t you know:

I’m hoping this one is a spoof, but it’s sooooo hard to tell these days.

Sadly, this woman is not a spoof; she’s a Minnesota legislator:

Let’s review: people like her have defunded the police, hamstrung those who remained, let criminals burn, loot and destroy, turned downtown Minneapolis into a ghost town, ensured no one is stupid enough to reopen a business in Minneapolis, and this idiot wants to tax business property owners to make up for the businesses they’ve destroyed?

Because Medicine is all about science: 

The College of Medicine at Texas A&M University removed prominently placed photos of white male alumni to show its commitment to diversity, equity and inclusion, it stated in a recent survey. [skip]

The university reported it had removed ‘the predominantly white male photos of [the] graduating class prominently displayed on the entrance’ to the school in response to a question asking schools if they had changed their branding and communications to remove elements that could be viewed as ‘noninclusive,’ the Examiner reported.

The med school also reported in the survey it practices ‘holistic admissions,’ requires diversity training for search committees, and reviews salaries for ‘diversity,’ according to the Examiner.

Of course, because acknowledging merit and ability in medicine is a bad thing.

Who wants to look at those? 

More “Free the Nipple”

Facebook and Instagram may allow transgender and non-binary users to flash their bare breasts — but women who were born female and who are eager to ‘free the nipple’ are out of luck, according to Meta’s advisory board.

Meta’s Oversight Board — an independent body of experts which Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg has called the company’s ‘Supreme Court’ for content moderation and censorship policies — ordered Facebook and Instagram to lift a ban on images of topless women for anyone who identifies as transgender or non-binary, meaning they view themselves as neither male or female.

‘The same image of female-presenting nipples would be prohibited if posted by a cisgender woman but permitted if posted by an individual self-identifying as non-binary,’ the board noted in its decision.

Hmmm. What, exactly, constitutes expertise in this field? I mean, if it’s appreciation of nipples, I’m a master, super expert.

The DOJ, FBI and Media are stupid: 

For a few years now, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, national politicians, and the media have warned us about the growing rise of white nationalist militias and alt-right fascists. Reports have repeatedly documented that they are the biggest threat to the nation domestically.

In Atlanta, Georgia, we see this first hand, and nationally everyone should pay attention to what they are doing.

A white militia firebombed a mostly non-white at-risk youth center on the west side of Atlanta. They also firebombed the offices of a building contractor with law enforcement ties. In fact, because the contractor has been working with various law enforcement agencies, the militia firebombed one of the offices and vandalized another. They even showed up at churches where their employees worked and disrupted church services. The militia has harassed employees, the employees’ spouses, and their children. In at least two cases, the militia has harassed extended family and friends all to punish the workers for that contractor.

Two days ago, the same group of white nationalists shot a police officer in Atlanta and are now pledging revenge after the shooter himself died in return fire.

Amazingly, the national media has not covered this ongoing series of attacks. The white nationalists even stormed into a fire station and attacked the firefighters, and vandalized the fire station.

Actually, it would be amazing if white nationalists did all that. But they didn’t. It was, instead, an ANTIFA-affiliated group with ties to organizations that, in turn, have ties to Stacey Abrams and various progressive activists.

No jokes, because racism! 

Actress Leslie Jones made some graphic sexual jokes about the statue during her debut as guest host of The Daily Show. ‘I know Dr. King went down in history, but this is not how you show it,’ she quipped.

But while Jones, who is black, believes it was appropriate for her to tell jokes about the statue, she had a stern warning for white people: Don’t even go there.

‘Even though I’m about to go straight hard on this statue, I got to talk to the white people for a second,’ she said. ‘White people, you don’t need to be saying sh*t about this statue. You understand?’

According to Jones, ‘only black people’ can joke about the grotesque sculpture, while white people can just ‘sit yourself in the back of the bus for this one.’

What would any edition of TSTS be without Kamala?

We what?

Climate Change: the all-purpose demagoguery.

How stupid are college teachers? This stupid: 

Abstract reads like an over-the-top caricature,’ another professor told The College Fix

An education professor delivered a lecture in early January at a major mathematician meeting that described college math as ‘white’ and ‘cisheteropatriarchal.’

‘Undergraduate Mathematics Education as a White, Cisheteropatriarchal Space and Opportunities for Structural Disruption to Advance Queer of Color Justice’ was the full title of the lecture given by Luis Leyva, associate professor of mathematics education at the Peabody College of Education and Human Development at Vanderbilt University.

No, it isn’t a hoax, but this one is:

There’s so much stupid out there, it’s harder and harder to identify its degrees. When even the mayor of DC isn’t this stupid:

On Tuesday, the Council of the District of Columbia moved to override a veto by Democrat Mayor Muriel Bowser that prevented a bill aimed at reducing penalties for violent offenders, the Revised Criminal Code Act, from becoming law.

According to local news, ‘In a 12-1 vote — with Ward 8 Council member Trayon White voting in opposition — the council moved to override Bowser’s veto of the Revised Criminal Code Act. Essentially, the city’s code determines what punishments to assign to crimes, including sentence lengths, and also classifies what types of crimes are misdemeanors. The code sets guidelines that the police, attorneys, courts, and prisons all work from.’

Among other bits of lunacy, the law essentially decriminalizes carjacking. I’m shocked, shocked!

Be afraid; be very afraid:

NYC is a cesspool of violent crime. The cause is a mystery:

Being white is—wait for it—EVIL!

Kesha Hamilton is a member of the school board in Jackson, Michigan. Whatever else she may believe, she firmly contends that white people are evil…

I just can’t understand all the racial division.

Well of course they have they own jet; who doesn’t? 

For years, Netflix has preached climate change activism through its documentaries on the environment and its own corporate pledge to achieve ‘net zero’ carbon emissions. Now the whole world has a better sense of just how sincere the left-wing streamer has been all along.

Netflix publicly revealed this week that it maintains a Gulfstream private jet, presumably for executive and VIP travel. The revelation was made in an online job posting for a flight attendant to work the company’s Gulfstream G550 aircraft.

It was the perfect anti-gun, anti-white people narrative: 

A gunman killed 10 people and wounded 10 others during a Chinese New Year celebration in California.

Instead of waiting for facts, because no sane person would ever do that, leftists and Democrats immediately blamed white supremacy and racists.

Until it wasn’t:

 Bigotry. White Supremacy. GUN CONTROL.

Nope. The suspect was a middle-aged Asian man. A community leader said it was over a “domestic dispute”:

 Oops.

It didn’t take; she’s still here: 

Nancy Pelosi summoned priests to perform an exorcism at her home following the alleged hammer attack on her husband, according to the daughter of the former House speaker.

What would an edition of TSTS be without John Kerry? Yes, he’s still alive. Yes, he’s still traitorous and stupid:

Golly, is it possible to be that wonderful?

Saying the quiet part out loud.

Woke lunacy has spread to—Norway?! 

Norway’s University of Bergen has launched a study of the role played by white paint in extending white supremacy around the globe.

The university has received a $1.2 million government grant for its research project ‘How Norway Made the World Whiter’ (NorWhite) to investigate ‘how white paint has contributed to white supremacy around the world.’

Aren’t ethnic Norwegians pretty much, you know, white? Oh, this’ll work for sure:

They can probably make up their deficit if they just tax Newsom’s hair gel.

They’re really doing this so as not to hurt Joe Biden’s feelings:

The last time we visited the British Museum at Legal Insurrection, I wrote that the Egyptians petitioned to return the iconic Rosetta Stone, which was used to decipher the hieroglyphics of the long-dead language.

While I defended this venerable institution then, the woke cadre running the museum has now taken a running leap off the cliff of relevancy.

It might seem impossible to hurt the feelings of a 3,000-year-old corpse. But woke museum chiefs have stopped using the word ‘mummy’ to describe the remains of ancient Egyptians, all in the name of ‘respect’.

They say the term is dehumanising to those who died and – of course – an unwelcome throwback to Britain’s colonial past.

The phrase now deemed politically acceptable is ‘mummified person’ or ‘mummified remains’.

Obviously, they’ve mummified their brains.

Too stupid to survive.