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What the…?  The imperial Obamas, who at last glance have been out of power for some time–at least “officially”–had a ceremony at the White House(?!) less than a month ago.  What sort of ceremony?  Why, they unveiled their “official” White House portraits.

No, it’s not the perspective challenged abomination that heads this article.  That was the first “official” White House portrait of King Barack The One back in 2018.

At the time, I wrote:

While it does resemble Barack Obama facially, the perspective is wrong. It resembles a bad photoshop. The greenery is not in correct perspective with the chair, whose back leg is in the wrong place, and its overall proportions are wrong. Nor is it in proper perspective with Obama. His feet appear to be floating in mid air, particularly the left foot, which is cocked at an odd angle. Notice a black line extending from what appears to be a break in the greenery over his left shoulder, across his left cheek, and extending under his lips. The lighting on his face is also not reflected anywhere else in the portrait.

I continued:

And what’s up with the greenery? Is it suggestive of his Choom Gang days? Perhaps it depicts a rebirth, a glorious springtime of Obama? It looks like neophyte poster art.

 Michelle’s portrait was no better:

Apart from the unmistakable fact the portrait does not resemble her–at all–the hands are also out of proportion, particularly to the head and face. The dress is…its…it’s the focal point of the portrait, and it’s ridiculously ugly and essentially shapeless. I had no idea Mrs. Obama was so gray. This portrait too seems almost two-dimensional.

Neither portrait appears to have been done by a professional, accomplished portrait artist [or at least one possessed of greater than middle school talent]. Of course, gentle readers, I am not a distinguished art critic, but I am capable of recognizing things like actual artistic talent and accomplishment. These portraits don’t qualify.

As one might expect, faithful D/S/Cs of the time, memorialized in the New York Times, loved those “artistic” endeavors:

I love them. They are bold and showcase innovative and brilliant American artists. One legacy of the Obamas is that they push us to think more, see more and learn more. These portraits do that. SALLY DRAKE

I think both portraits are fantastic. I love that they both chose black artists for this. I definitely would have felt a way if they hadn’t. ANGELA KIRKLAND

I ended that article thus:

They certainly push me to think “what could these artists, and the Obamas, have been thinking?  I do suspect, however, in years to come, people will gaze upon these portraits and considering the Obama’s time in the White House, find them oddly fitting.

No doubt I was correct.  I’m sure Normal Americans found those portraits as bloated and surreal as the Obamas themselves. Even this noble rendering was not sufficient:

Obviously, Barack and Michelle decided they needed a do over:

Yes it does look like a cheap stock photo, and what’s with the white background?  Perhaps it’s because the artist—both “portraits” were supposedly rendered from photographs—felt nothing should in any way detract from the magnificence of “The One?”  They obviously didn’t feel that way about Michelle:

It is often said TV cameras add at least ten pounds, and so did the “artist.”  The piece is not quite so photo realistic as Barack’s, and as with her first “official” portrait, has an oddly middle schoolish, two dimensional aspect, though her hands are in something like realistic perspective.  As with the first “official” portraits, there is much tongue bathing:

“His presence and position in the White House.”  Ah yes.  This was the man who won the Nobel Peace Prize for being Barack Obama–a historic accomplishment.

Paula Poundstone is a comedian about who virtually no one has heard for many years.  Is she joking?  Hard to tell.

credit: wikipedia

A shame Michaelangelo is no longer among us.  Surely he could have rendered Barack and Michelle in the glory they so richly deserve.  As for we mere mortals, we anxiously await the next “official” Obama White House portraits.  Will it take four years this time–why did they wait so long, cruelly denying a desperate nation their magnificence?–or in an attempt to save the nation and unite us, will they do it more promptly?  George Washington and the other former presidents seem to have contented themselves with a single official portrait.  But of course, how can a single portrait contain the timeless magnificence that is the Obamas?