Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

credit: babylonbee

It’s going to take Normal Americans a little while to catch up to woke tactics… Actually, socialists won’t let you keep that much…

Let me take moment from graphics for this heart-warming children’s story:

The teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.

“Janie, do you have a story to share?”

‘Yes ma’am My daddy told me a story about my Mommy, Sarah Rosenthal. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

”Good Heavens, ‘said the horrified teacher What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story’?”

“Don’t mess with Mommy when she’s been drinking.”

 I’m wiping away tears even as I type this.  I think this is the kind of unity Gropin’ Joe is encouraging…

This is soooo old school…

I hesitate to mention, er, womantion this, but…

It ought to…

About time…

As an English teacher, I can attest reading is hard—for the illiterate and plainly dimwitted…

Yeah, but that only applies to Republicans…

Oooooh.  So that’s what “hot, creamy goodness” is all about…

Well, at least he’s not abolishing it.  I don’t think Lord Vader is going to be too hot about combatting climate change in outer space though…

Next thing you know, she’ll tell us she delivered the “I have a dweam” speech…

This is why we must resist Californication at all costs…

I somehow think this is being too kind…

What’s the fun of being in total charge of the government if you can’t bayonet the wounded on the battlefield?

And Facebook, and Instagram, and Google, and Apple, and…

I was wondering that myself…

Shhhh!  Don’t give the wokesters any ideas…

I’m waiting for the car chase…

Awwww.  It’s so touching to see nature in action…

I want to see what the women are stomping with their bare feet…

Yup; pretty much…

Thomas Sowell is a national treasure…

And the message is: up yours!

And this is surprising because…?

I did notice that…

You ain’t seen nothin’ yet…

Now that’s too easy…

This is why Shetland ponies never caught on in Wyoming…

I just love these pet photos…

Thanks for stopping by for the second Funnies of 2021.  This weekend, there’s not much on the national scene about which to laugh, but we need to find humor in life wherever we can find it.

Once again, please allow me to suggest you get a copy of License to Kill.  I was going to play on your emotions about our poor, threadbare children, but I have to be honest; we ate them. Cheaper that way.

Anyway, if you get the book directly through the publisher, I’ll make a few cents more than if you get it at Amazon. It’s $17.99 at either source, and Amazon has a $4.99 Kindle edition, which won’t be so good for…you know.  It’s even more important to buy American, piss off D/S/Cs, and keep up the fight for the Constitution and the right to ruthlessly mock self-important dimwits, like Twitter and Facebook.  Positive comments on Amazon would be great too.  Go here to comment.

The Funnies will be back next Sunday, and I hope to see you here then and every day in between.