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At the end of each school year, I have the pleasure and fun of posting the inadvertently funny things my students—and occasionally others—have written.  I normally share these little gems with my students and fellow teachers, but in the final year of my teaching career, it was not to be.  Sadly, this past school year, there were so many interruptions, not including losing nearly an entire semester to Covid-19, the number of grammatical truth bombs I was able to collect is below average.  Add in the lost semester, and it’s far below average.  So I’ll include what I can from the last school year, and throw in some of my all-time favorites from a career as a teacher of the mother tongue.  I hope you enjoy these syntactic train wrecks:

Is America Unique? “The people are nice, and there is so much diversity that there is no way you could be happy here.”

Is America Unique? Some of the most popular restaurants come from the U.S. For example, McDonald’s Chick-fa-la and Waterburgers.”

Is America Unique? Its culture has spread throughout the world, like AIDS, and has helped make us more connected as a species.”

They Despise America For Positive Reasons? Sure, other countries despise us, but it’s not for negative reasons.”

Uh… America is like the emo kid everyone is afraid of; it’s either real or a water gun.”

He’s Going To Need A Bigger Broom: It [America] is also a large country, so it is hard to maintain by one person.”

Is That In The Constitution? We are never guilty until proven guilty.”

Uh, Right… People with color or not can be successful and also trashy.”

credit: choicemedia.tv

So You’re Very Well Informed Then? Frederick Jackson’s speech was nothing but wrong, and I haven’t even read it.”

No Kidding: In Texas, Austin is our tyranny.”

I’m Sure It Is: “The manuscript of “How To Kill A Mockingbird” is amazing.”

Use “Droll” In A Sentence: “As she slept droll came from her mouth.”

A Car Part Ruled?  “England ruled with a tranny for awhile.”

Are You Sure About That?  “For the time period this movie was made, it was mediocre.  That made it entertaining.”

We All Know How Much That Hurts: “It was a tragedy when Achilles was shot in the Iliad.”

I’m Sure Your Mother Feels That Way: “It’s a great achievement when I clean my room.”

Whose?! “You’re invited to Mrs. Cisneros’ baby shower.  Bring diapers and wipes for her sweet little bottom.”

So It Really Is A Paradise? “Asgard has fountains of Coca Cola.”

Not Plastic? “They gave the man a metal of valor.”

A Bloodthirsty Santa? “Carry this sack of presents into my slay you elfs.”

Keep This Kid Away From Crematoriums: “I accidently breathed in cremate.”

Orange Truth: “Trump is the archetype of a Cheeto.”

So That’s How That Happens: “The Winter Solstice makes people who enjoy it gay.”

More Right Than The Imagine: “Election campain posters can be very impudent.”

Some People Do That Intentionally? “On July 6, 1962…he unintentionally died of a heart attack.”

Use “Saving Face” In A Sentence: “I have a saving face.”

That’s Nice: “Mary has a very celestial body.”

Rock On: “I think religious myths strike a very deep chord with people, just like a guitar player.”

Been There, Done That: “He had a prostrate exam.”

PAST FAVORITES:

Only Then? There was some dialogue when the characters spoke.”

Of Course:If I were to read it [a book] myself it probably would have had the same impact on me as if I were to read it myself.”

Uh, right… “Perhaps we will never know why Shakespeare wrote the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet the way that he did.  It will remain a mystery to the world.  But I know one thing.  If he did go out in public, tomorrow, and pull his pants down, people would applaud.”

From A Male Student: “It [an aphorism] mean that women have more a difficult life than men. For example, women have to have the baby but men don’t. Nothing like this has ever happened to me, but I have seen it happen.”

Religious Freedom Department: “Today, Utah remains the main place for Morons to worship freely…”

The Joy Of Epic Literature: “Since he [Odysseus] was gone for 20 years, his wife tested him on the bed that he made.”

We All Know How Much That Can Hurt: “Satire is holding up individuales to riticual by the hyperboles.”

That Much? “In order to tell you about this religion or belief, I had to do a whole bunch of research, stretching over a long period of time; a week and a half.” 

More Right Than They Knew: “Jesus is the best example of courage.  Even though he had it the hardest, he still hung in there.”

Sex Education In The Schools: “From start to finish, the entire story had action.  It was like having a climax the entire book.”

Compelling Literature Department: “This story was very good.  I would like to finish the story some time.”

So, You Like That, Then? “My favorite part is where King Creon and Antigone were arguing and he sentenced her to death.  I would like to do more of these plays.”

Uh, OK…“Then in the 8th grade, I got on the A volleyball team and I was the only white girl. I loved it.”

It Has? “Julius Caesar was killed by his best friend , Brutus.  That sort of thing has happened to me.”

 Actual School Announcement: “Just one brief announcement about Saturday School. If you need to be there…then you need to be there.”

Exactly Right: “I think the music in class had very understandable problems. Just like in country music.”

This Just Might Be Your Problem… “That’s what I like about reading: there is no thinking involved.” 

So That’s What That Noise Is… “At my sixth birthday I got a drum set and I have been playing ever since. I played in church for five years and loved it.  I am still playing the drums as I speak.”

Well No Wonder Your Grade Is Low… “Usually I get really mad and eat my test [mandatory, high stakes test] and get in trouble.”

Tales Of Old Age: “…and this story is mainly about an elderly man (Scrooge) who is in his 30’s if not older…” 

A Firm Grasp Of Statistics: “He says that when you use stereotypes you’re 100% correct.  I don’t agree with him because 98% of the time a person is fully all the way correct.”

Real Learning: “I learned a few things from doing it.  I can’t really tell you, but I know I learned something.”

My, You Are Sensitive, Aren’t You? “As a little girl and even now, I’ve been very emotional, so my parent’s spit was really difficult for me to handle.”

Real Progress: “Look at me a year ago.  I was after one girl, Suzie Smith.  Now I am after all of them.” 

About Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar: “Why don’t they have an English version of this?”

Well, Sure… “Vincent van Gogh was clearly insane, but wouldn’t you be too if you were not successful in life but only to find our you were in death?”

I Guess Not: “There aren’t only violent video games, there are educational video games which help teach people the violent one are another way.  Eminem and 2-Pac grew up in real life though 2-Pac is dead so he is not a very good example.”

Well, Sure… “My mom told me to put the dogs in the house before we started pooping the firecrackers.”

After They Blow Up? “The government can, however, afford to let (theoretically) a group of terrorists walk across the border and blow themselves up with impunity, and then walk back across the border.”

Fun, New Trends Department: “Eating disorders are more and more popular.”

Is This Guy Really Such A Great Trainer? “He’s [an athletic trainer] taught me to respect human life and to not use my body as a weapon.  He has seen athletes dies, five of his players died last month.” 

In A JHS Basketball Newsletter: “Mason Smart caught fire and was absolutely unconscious.”

Historical Confusion: “Medieval Europeans were angry with women because of Eve. If Eve hadn’t eaten the forbidden fruit, everyone could run around in their underwear.”

Historical Confusion II: “Medieval Europeans were so very angry with just whole women gender in general because of an ancient event.  This ancient even caused their anger, yet, this even is unknown to many people, including me.” 

Amazing Insights Department: “In this chapter, Huck’s internal dialogue is with himself.” 

That’s A Good Thing, Right? “The average person in today’s society bathes in the nude.”

Shouldn’t Everything Be More Memorable? “She [a teacher] taught me everything, but I can’t really remember because it was back when I was in 6th grade and I can’t remember that far back.”

Test Question: The Poetic Form of Julius Caesar is? “Julius Caesar Salad.”

Why Were Medieval Europeans So Angry With Woman? “Eve caused their anger because she did something to Adam which I forgot.” 

Thanks For Clearing That Up: “Girls are really just like guys, but more feminine.” 

Insightful Literary Analysis: “The guy out of ‘Dreamin’ Again’ wants the presence of his girl back.  But he can’t get it because she took it with her.” 

I Didn’t Say That: “Daryl Hannah plays a good Roxanne by playing the part of an intelligent woman, and that’s not very easy to do.”

I Hate It When That Happens: “When she arrived, she found her boyfriend and her best friend together, half-naked, hissing.”

How Old Is He Again? “My grandpa lived through the Renaissance.”

So They Defended It Then? “There were 179 people inside the Alamo, defending it.  These people were known as the defenders of the Alamo.”

Why Were Medieval Europeans So Angry With Women? ”…because Eve tricked Adam into eating the fruit.  If we didn’t we could be running around naked instead of sitting in English class.”

“Catholic” Means: ”Mexican.”

Test Question: “What Are The First Ten Amendments To The U.S. Consitution Called? “The first ten amendments to the U.S. Constitution.” 

No Kidding: “People are trying to prevent obesity, as it is a widely spread issue…”

That’s Painful: “Rafael Palmero was proven guilty of the use of performance enhancing drugs and he was stripped of his tittles…” 

Use “Debauchery” In A Sentence: “The family had a lovely evening of debauchery.”

It Is?!  What’s Your Worst? “Debauchery is one of my best qualities.”

The Great Muslim Warrior Who Fought The Crusaders Was? “Chuck Norris.”

Uh, Could We Have A Bit More Context, Please? “The original Grimm Brother’s story involved the prince raping the princess and leaving before she awoke.  That is understandable.” 

Student Inquiring About A Mixed (Male/Female) Choir: “Is your choir bisexual?”