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Bubba Wallace, CNN, Fake news, fake noose, FBI, NASCAR, national conversation about race, Th review
If it weren’t for fake hate crimes, there would be none at all. Hardly an original observation, but a pertinent one. America is such a horribly racist nation, Black people have to perpetrate the kinds of racist gestures/crimes overwhelmingly racist white people would perpetrate if they ever got around to it. This is rather odd when you think about it: aren’t racists pretty much caught up in racism, so caught up they think of virtually nothing else? Doesn’t this obsession cause them to commit all manner of hate crimes? Shouldn’t there be thousands of hate crimes per minute, all around the nation?
Perhaps if I provide several examples from this single, scruffy little blog?
From November of 2018, Hate Crimes; Sneaky Normals, which was the terrifying tale of a noose that wasn’t—it was a lost shoestring someone hung on a college dorm doorknob, thoughtfully hoping whoever lost it would find it, and the story of a vile hater who desecrated a NYC Synagogue. He was, of course, Black. Surveillance video can be so inconvenient sometimes.
In April of 2019, I wrote Jussie Smollett: Fighter For Social Justice. I trust I need not say anything more about that one, other than to observe it also featured a really fake fake noose?
In September of 2019, Hate Crime: A Quick Look In The Mirror, told of a former NFL player who trashed two businesses he owned and tried to make it look like a hate crime. The motive was apparently not only social justice martyrdom, but insurance fraud. Do I need to mention his race?
And in October of 2019, I wrote No Hate Crimes At All, which was the very emotional and harrowing story of a 12 year-old Black girl who accused three white male classmates of holding her down and cutting off some of her dreadlocks. The media went wild, featuring the only actual fact in the case: Vice President Pence’s wife works at the school! This obviously made what happened to the poor girl even worse because TRUMP! and PENCE! Do I need to mention the girl eventually admitted it was all a lie, or that most of the media did not correct their breathless stories when the truth came out?
There are, of course, so many, many cases of fake hate crimes. So many in fact, reasonable people reasonably believe them fake until they are proved otherwise. The media took exactly the opposite approach. Every fake hate crime is presumed to be true, and when inevitably proved false, most of the media barely manages a “never mind…”
And so, gentle readers, we arrive at NASCAR and one Bubba Wallace. “Bubba” sounds like a stereotypical redneck, white supremacist, racist, cracker, racist, missing-toothed- mulletted, hater of hate, but he’s actually a Black NASCAR driver. Powerline reports:
On Sunday, a normally sane part of the world went crazy when a ‘noose’ was discovered in a garage stall at the Talladega race track that was used by a NASCAR team that included driver Bubba Wallace, who is black. You can imagine the uproar. Everyone involved in NASCAR stood in solidarity with Bubba and against racism.
Bubba—I presume it’s OK to call anyone who races in NASCAR regardless of race “Bubba,” because NASCAR–—at first tried the “I’m so saddened by this and can’t we all get along?” approach:
But the siren song of “martyred victim of racism” overwhelmed him, and he appeared on—where else?–The View:
NASCAR–certainly not simple minded–leapt to Bubba’s defense and promised to wipe racism from the face of the Earth, one garage and stock car race at a time, but many were skeptical:
By this time, the FBI completed its investigation. Yes, gentle readers, this warranted a full investigation–reportedly by no less than 15 agents(!?)–by the Federal Bureau Of Investigation. One wonders where they found the time, what with being so busy with the coup and all, but as Fox New reports, their analysis was definitive, and elementary, my Dear Bubba:
U.S. Attorneys » Northern District of Alabama » News
Department of Justice
U.S. Attorney’s Office
Northern District of Alabama
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Tuesday, June 23, 2020
Joint Statement from U.S. Attorney Jay E. Town and FBI Special Agent in Charge Johnnie Sharp, Jr. Regarding the Noose Found in NASCAR’s Bubba Wallace’s Garage at Talladega Superspeedway
‘On Monday, fifteen FBI special agents conducted numerous interviews regarding the situation at Talladega Superspeedway. After a thorough review of the facts and evidence surrounding this event, we have concluded that no federal crime was committed.
The FBI learned that garage number 4, where the noose was found, was assigned to Bubba Wallace last week. The investigation also revealed evidence, including authentic video confirmed by NASCAR, that the noose found in garage number 4 was in that garage as early as October 2019. Although the noose is now known to have been in garage number 4 in 2019, nobody could have known Mr. Wallace would be assigned to garage number 4 last week.
The decision not to pursue federal charges is proper after reviewing all available facts and all applicable federal laws. We offer our thanks to NASCAR, Mr. Wallace, and everyone who cooperated with this investigation.’
What the FBI did not say in that statement, but what spread with the speed of a stock car fleeing a gang of fake racists was the “noose” was merely a garage door pull hung in more or less a loop. I used to have one of those on the pull-down door to my attic back in Texas. Obviously, I’m a racist, even though I never showed the “noose” to a Black person, and fashioned the noose-shaped—more or less circular—“noose” because it was much easier to grasp than a single hanging strand of rope. The “noose” was white too, so I guess I’m just that kind of white supremacist.
Of course, anyone denying anything Bubba implied must be a racist too, so he did the only thing a righteous social justice martyr could do: he went on CNN:
Oh sure, no one has ever seen a jury rigged garage door pull before, certainly not on the NASCAR circuit, but there was photographic evidence:
Bubba’s indignant CNN appearance didn’t set well with the fans:
Odd that Bubba and everyone associated with him, never took a photo of the “noose.” If only people carried with them a convenient means of taking photographs… It’s equally odd neither Bubba or anyone associated with him took down and produced the heinous “noose,” but I’m sure they were all so horrified they couldn’t think clearly, and I’m obviously a racist for saying such a thing. Scott Adams is a racist too:
Finally, thank goodness, Bubba saw the light and returned to the “can’t we all just get along” narrative:
Actually, what’s most likely is he realized it was all falling apart, and his fellow NASCAR racers might be just a bit peeved at him for implying everyone that didn’t believe everything he said or didn’t say was the gospel truth was raaaaaaaacist!
What struck me as odd from the beginning is apparently no one trotted on down to that particular garage to view the “noose,” nor did anyone—like say the folks responsible for maintaining that facility—talk to anyone that works there. Perhaps that wasn’t done because no one thought of doing it. After all, it’s only my many years of police experience that enabled me to think of doing those things. Surely no one not such an experienced investigator would ever think of just walking down there and looking for themselves, or of asking anyone else “hey, any of you guys seen that?” But for whatever reason, apparently no one did any of that, which made the involvement of the FBI absolutely necessary. It was, no doubt, their highly advanced training as members of America’s premier law enforcement and coup plotting agency that enabled their agents to say:
Agent 1: “Hey! I know! Let’s go look for ourselves, and if that doesn’t work, we can talk to people!”
Agent 2: “Yeah, like you mean people that work there and stuff?”
Agent 1: “Yeah! Them! That’s a great idea!
Supervisory Agent: “Cue the theme music, lose thousands of e-mails and let’s roll!”
It’s too bad Eddie, the garage maintenance guy, didn’t happen by when Bubba and his companions were struck dumb by the horrifying garage door pull rope. He could have said: “That? That’s just a garage door pull rope. It’s been there for years.”
Actually, it’s probably a good thing he didn’t happen by. He’d probably be fired and branded a racist by now, and CNN would be staking out his house and scaring the hell out of his wife and kids.
Perhaps the most important legacy of the Age of Obama…
But all’s well that ends well, and we’ve all had another swell national conversation about how racist we are. I feel better already. I’m still racist. Because I’m white there’s nothing that can ever change that; I just feel better about being racist, which just goes to prove what a racist I am.
Stately McDaniel Manor 
Babylon Bee recently posted a meme advertising an app that helps you find and hire people to commit hate crimes against you.
The problem with satire is that real life keeps outdoing it.
Hiring people to commit hate crimes is probably very expensive, since the demand is much higher than the supply.
Wallace can take some consolation in knowing that David Hogg and Jussie Smollett still believe him.
Dear Tom:
And the media; don’t forget them.
I’m reminded of the executioner in BLAZING SADDLES. “No Noose is good Noose.”
Dear James W Crawford:
That one was a doozy.
Every time I go fishing, I tie knots that look an awful lot like a noose. Guess I need to stop in case I accidentally terrorize someone.
Dear Old Barn:
Lord only knows the terror you’ve visited on helpless fish all these years…
4 white men allegedly set madison biracial woman on fire.
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If true, a heinous crime and may the perps be arrested, prosecuted, and incarcerated.
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Weird aspects of case:
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Firebombing of pllice station & 911 call center building occurred in similar time frame (atf offers $5000 reward for info), not mentioned in most press reports (they mention statues toppled instead).
advised not to file a police report until after the effects of her pain medication had worn off (hmmmmmm, taking pain meds while driving?).
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Alleged victim was 18 (hard to get pain meds-need a doctor & medical condition).
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Alleged victim was 18, driving at 1:00 am.
Only allowed to drive to work, to home, or to school (provisional license) at that time. Might have been in violation of licensure.
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Had 2nd & 3rd degree burns, but didnt immediately go to seek medical attention?
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Her wounds dont appear to be indicative of 2nd/3rd degree burns, barely even look like burns. No singes ot burned eyelashes, eyebrow, other hair, seemingly.
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When reporting to the hospital with these burns, the police werent immediately notified?
She didnt tell anyone at the hospital that she was a victim of a hirrific race crime?
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Her mother who told her to go to the hospital didnt tell her to immediately notify the police, maybe if only to prevent these allegedly 4 white guys from doing this to another innoce t soul?
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If you watch the various interviews, her demeanor is very awry.
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She almost smiles when she said she drove herself to the hospital (and yet she wasnt empowered enough to have gone to the hospital immediately).
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Madison, WI.
A person in shock would have trouble eating and sleeping. If true.
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A person afraid the ATF is gonna show up with a warrant for your arrest and or someone who uses a lot of recreational drugs might have trouble eating or sleeping as well
Cant eat or sleep.
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Shock or meth can do that, as would fear the atf is about to serve their warrant.
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Madiso , wi
Havent seen it in an article yet, but she may have been attending the “protests”, but as noted above, drivees licenses for 18 yo in her state arent allowed to drive “home” from protests at 1:00am, there is a curfew for young drivers with the only exceptions being work and school.
Few schools are in session, recall
(Sorry for double posts, disappearing posts abound)
Dear Coolpeople:
No problem; easily rectified.
Obviously there is discrimination in racist happenings. Not enough racists around that they have to be invented in today’s world. I refuse to jump when there are racist or sexist claims. At 75 I have seen too many fake claims.
I am tolerant but don’t tolerate lairs. I have had two untrue charges of sex harassment on one project in Canada. One because I civilly disagreed with a young female over a construction project issue; she did not understand what was presented in a meeting. We can’t have that. Everyone above me sort of begged me to apologize on that one since she was a favorite of the management. I refused and it went away. I really, really wanted a hearing over it: ah shucks said I. I’m sure at my age a notation on my record would have ruined me/sarc. They like kangaroo courts in Canada and I was willing to take them on as did Mark Styne.
Dear Alan Reasin:
We’re–white males–all prone to being falsely charged these days. The only ting to do is demand due process and never give in. Oh, and as I’ve often said, this Internet ATM does not accept race cards.
There is a great Bubba Wallace meme on the Intertubes. Guess
what else you can’t find in Bubba Wallace’s garage? A trophy!
Why is it always the mediocre black players like Colon Kaeperdick
and Bubba Wallace that generate these hate crime hoaxes?
If they can’t cut it, they should STFU and find a job they are good at!
Dear Leonard Jones:
Actually, Wallace is a pretty good driver, but not, by any means, a great driver. It would be interesting to know whether he was in danger of losing his ride–his sponsorship–or in any other difficulty such that becoming a social justice martyr might make him untouchable.
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