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It’s like the Hunchback in the tower, holding his head, rocking back and forth and moaning “the bells, the bells!”  I could manage only a little over an hour of the damned thing, gentle readers, before I began rocking and moaning: “the Dems, the Dems!”  What androids, what simulations of ethical human beings.  What desperate, small, mean little simulacrums of humanity.  Even Congressional Democrats are bemoaning it: 

It was a disgrace,’ [Debbie] Dingell [D-MI], who has deep ties in the Democratic Party and in swing-state Michigan, said Wednesday. ‘It was a circular firing squad. They’re forgetting about what we need to be focused on.  They’re contributing to the fear and hatred in this country. I’m sure Russia and China were delighted at their performance.

Mark Twain said: “Nothing so needs reforming as the habits of others.”  The D/S/C candidates obviously believe that, but the habits that need reforming are those of Normal Americans in particular and America in general.  The one habit they absolutely plan to change is individual liberty.  Their fundamental transformation—every one of them—would leave America far more like Venezuela than America.

The “debate” was a chaotic racial panderfest, with the candidates falling all over each other to pander to minorities, particularly blacks, but they even mentioned Asians, which is interesting considering their diversity religion is systematically excluding Asians from ivy league colleges.  The event was chaotic from start to finish, with no one honoring time limits, everyone loudly yelling, constant third grade arm waving—Me! Me! Pick Me!—and constant shouting over everyone else with hostile accusations and nonsensical assertions.

Was there any discussion of actual issues?  How dare you ask such a thing, you stop and frisk supporting racist!

The five—yes five—CBS moderators (who cares who they were?) were pathetic, asking few questions in general–they totally lost control of the mess—and the few they did manage to ask mostly avoided the real issues of the day.  It was clear the audience was packed with activists primed to attack Bernie Sanders, which is what most of the candidates did, though Elizabeth Warren continued to attack Michael Bloomberg instead.

The general themes and talking points were the same as usual:  orange man bad, but Bernie Sanders bad too.  Pot in every pot, everybody’s racist except them, climate change, climate crisis, Green New Deal, Gropin’ Joe is comin’ for your guns and so are the rest, Charleston shooting, Charleton shooting, Charleston shooting, they all know Black people, Mitch McConnell bad, they hate America and Americans and they’re going to fundamentally transform the whole mess.

On to the candidates:

Tom “Who am I?  Why Am I Here?” Steyer:  Who knows why he was there?  Actually, like Bloomberg, he bought his way onto the stage.  His expressions were as wooden as usual, and he shouted in a gravelly voice.  He advocated a big government takeover of everything, but with some kind of private sector involvement(?).  Capitalism has failed, so he’s going to double the minimum wage, and create more union jobs.  He’s all for racial, economic and climate justice.  And did you know gun manufacturers own the Senate, which is why they haven’t obliterated the Second Amendment?  Every policy area “has a great subtext of race,” so he wants massive reparations for slavery.  He had little speaking time, and when he did speak, the rest of the candidates and the audience stared blankly at him, essentially said “yeah, yeah,” and got back to the panderfest.

Bernie “Crazy” Sanders:  Red faces, wild-eyes, wildly gesturing, mad as hell, Bernie supplied his usual drivel, and continues to be supportive of Castro because he educated children while torturing, jailing and murdering their parents and destroying Cuba.  Asked how he could explain the great Trump economy, he fell back on the old trope that the economy is good for billionaires, but terrible for everyone else, you know, the old, “who you gonna believe—me or your lyin’ eyes and bank accounts?”  Asked for specifics of his lunatic spending plans, he dodged and weaved and supplied none, but asserted spending tens of trillions on Medicare For All would actually save money.  It’s sort of a “the more you spend the more you save” retail slogan writ large.  He also wants “universal child care” to indoctrinate them while they’re young.  He’s proud of a D- NRA rating and promises to do worse, and he wants all teachers to earn at least 60K.

The rigged crowd often groaned/booed at Bernie’s lunatic plans, which surprised and rattled him.  He’s used to being applauded for promising to bankrupt the world.

Mike “Mini” Bloomberg:  He was more assertive, and tried to look as angry as the rest, but his face kept resetting to its default, slack jawed position.  He began by saying Russia is helping get Trump—and Sanders—elected.  Attacked on stop and frisk, he repeated his lame pseudo-apology from the last debate, which was essentially that it reduced crime, so he ended 95% of it and he’s sorry.  He all but said he was Martin Luther King, invoked 9-11, and said New York City was bigger than most countries.  He has a six million-person gun control organization because Congress can’t do it.  Were that true, he’d have more paying, voting members than the NRA, which is to say, he’s lying.

Bloomberg’s best gaffe was when he came within a few letters of admitting he bought the House Democrat wins of 2018.  Ooopsie!

Throughout the evening, he tried some self-deprecating jokes, apparently written for him by someone.  The first came when he said he was surprised the rest showed up, because he beat them so badly at the last debate.  That one fell embarrassingly flat—the man has no comic timing, and no sense of humor of which he is aware–and so did the rest.  He did better than last time, but last time was the Bataan Death March of politics.

Elizabeth: I Got Fired Cuz I’z Pregnant” Warren:  She continued to monopolize speaking with constant interruptions and loud harangues in her patented, fingernails-on-a-blackboard style.  She began by proclaiming progressive ideas are popular, and her progressive ideas are better than Sanders’.  She attacked Bloomberg because he financially supported Republicans in the past, and trotted out the story about how she was fired from a teaching job because she was pregnant.  After she tried that one the first time, it was conclusively proved she lie.  Not only was she not fired, she was offered, and turned down, a teaching contract for the next year.  But hey, she lied about being an Indian for years, so it will probably take years for her to admit this one too.  She went after Bloomberg over past non-disclosure agreements again, but that didn’t amount to much.

She came up with a new one, though: getting rid of the filibuster, because guns, oil and immigration.  She’s for public schools only, and wants to allocate 100 billion for public schools.  Cool.  Add another billion; I could use a raise.

Pete “I’m Gay And I Out 9 Year-Olds” Buttigieg:  Pete, the Boy Scout Leader you don’t want alone in the woods with your 9 year-old, was trying to be Obamaesque.  He had a back pocket full of pithy, high-sounding observations, and tried to slip them in whenever possible, but the whole thing was so chaotic, he ended up looking garden variety desperate.  He did note the last four years have been chaotic and toxic, and Trump and Sanders are horrible for America, but he can fix everything and bring everyone together, because he’s gay and knows how to fix Christianity too.  He went after Bloomberg on Stop and Frisk, and engaged in a major racial pander when he observed that everyone on the stage was white, which is, of course, a very bad thing because whiteness is bad and racist, and bad—very bad, and racist.  He also attacked Sanders on gun control, and said he was a veteran, so he can get guns banned where Bernie, who isn’t a veteran, can’t.  Oh, and we absolutely can’t have armed teachers, which is apparently his way of supporting teachers.

Joe “Botox” Biden:  At the last debate, Joe’s forehead resembled a ridged potato chip.  This time, it was smooth and taut, so much so his eyebrows didn’t move, and his left eye looked half closed much of the time.  It appears he had time for a Botox treatment.  Even so, he was pale, and he was very, very loud and angry.  Joe is much more progressive than Bernie, and is virtually Martin Luther King.  He proclaimed with great confidence: “I will win South Carolina.”  One might take that with a grain of salt, as earlier in the day, he announced he was running for the Senate, and told people to vote for “the other Biden.”

Joe got particularly angry about gun control, stating he beat the NRA twice, and got an “assault weapon” ban, but it wasn’t reauthorized because Bush got elected.  Actually, Bush was elected in 2000, and the ban sunset in 2004.  It accomplished nothing for public safety, and cost many Democrats their congressional seats, so they didn’t even try to reauthorize it.

Joe’s best blooper came when he angrily, and particularly emphatically, claimed guns have killed 150 millions Americans since 2007, because Bernie won’t let anti-liberty/gun cracktivists sue gunmakers for marketing legal, non-defective products.  That’s a neat trick, because 150 million is just a bit under half of the population.  Throughout the night, when anyone claimed to have accomplished anything, or wanted to accomplish something, Joe claimed to have done it, whatever it was, though all of it remains unaccomplished today.

Amy “I’m From The Middle Of The Country” Klobuchar:  It must be painful for a mean girl to keep that plastic smile plastered on her face.  Stop and frisk is, of course, racist, and she invoked Martin Luther King too.  She’s is going to force sentencing reform on the states—that would be a neat trick what with the 10th Amendment and all—and she’s outraged about states purging their voter roles of the dead and ineligible.  Viva vote fraud!  She’s right that Bernie’s Medicare for All will cost three times the American economy, but she’ll only bankrupt us somewhat less with whatever her plan is.  D/S/Cs don’t want a socialist at the top of their ticket, but maybe she ought to ask D/S/C voters about that one.  The middle of the country is going to support her in taking away their guns because she’s one of them, and she’s going to end the “Charleston” and “Boyfriend” loopholes, whatever those might be.

Final Thoughts:

Once again, Donald Trump won a Democrat debate in Sun Tzu style: he won without saying a word.  Bloomberg was slightly improved, but still far from ready for prime time.  Gropin’ Joe continues to look more than every day of his age, and as the night wore on, his speech became more and more rambling and confused.  His feigned righteous indignation about the continuing existence of the Second Amendment no longer gets the automatic, rapturous applause it once did.  Pete seemed upset he wasn’t getting a chance to use his rehearsed Obamaesque rhetoric, and Amy told us how nice she is, really, she is. This is not a good sign for Gay Pete:

Elizabeth Warren is done.  She is more exhausting the more we see of her, but will try to hang on as long as possible, as will Am Klobuchar, who if there is an “it” girl, is the “huh?” girl.  Steyer has no chance, but has the money to go all the way to certain defeat.  The contest remains Sanders’ to lose.  If he comes out of Super Tuesday with a respectable lead, it’s likely all over but the shouting—God help us all; there are more debates–unless, of course, the D/S/Cs cheat him again, which is more than likely.

I’m going to go lie down…