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original photo credit: mashable.com

Who can forget those thrilling days of yesteryear, the Age of Obama, which Michelle Obama so benevolently looked over the nutritional needs of our children, and innumerable federal agencies looked into every facet of our lives?  Ah, those were the good old days!

But just in case you don’t find those days so memorable, or are still heavily sedated after exposure to them, allow me please, gentle readers, to provide a few of many reminders of the glories of Michelle Obama’s stewardship of school lunches.  We begin with School Lunch: On The High Speed Rail To Nutritional Oblivion from December of 2013.

credit: babble.com

What’s this?!  Children unwilling to eat government food?  Have they no understanding that the government knows better than they do what they should eat?

Memories, memories…

I know when I was in elementary school, there was nothing I looked forward to more than asparagus and mushy apples at lunch.

Who woulda thunk it?  Kids, at the most active, calorie burning stage of their lives, being unsatisfied by unpalatable, stingy portions of food they don’t like in the first place?  You’d pretty much have to be a federal bureaucrat not to see this one coming.

Let us rewind to May of 2014 and School Lunch: The Peasants Are Revolting:

Mrs. Obama is nearly as adept as Mr. Obama at erecting straw men. Anyone opposing her mandates is trying to damage the health of children. What’s the real story? As sometimes happens, this scruffy little blog was ahead of the nutritional curve.

Finally, a trip back in time to January of 2015 and School Lunch Bribery, Courtesy Of Michelle Obama:

What’s that you say? Surely the First Lady and First Offspring wouldn’t be served anything like that? Not so! The photos accompanying this article are actual school lunches mandated by Michelle Obama’s ‘Healthy and Hunger Free Kids Act.’ Mrs. Obama would never be hypocritical, would she? If it’s good enough for the children of flyover country, it must be good enough for her family?

Whew!  Excuse me for a minute. I was laughing so hard I just blew some school lunch milk out my nose!

Those milk and honey days are behind us now, and President and Mrs. Obama continue their invaluable work of building a presidential library that isn’t a library in Chicago, where no one wants it, while undermining our constitutional republic.  We are, tragically, left to our own devices when it comes to feeding our offspring.  But maybe, that’s not such a bad thing, as AP News.com reports:

Brian Wansink

A prominent Cornell University food researcher resigned after an investigation found he committed academic misconduct, including misreporting data, the school announced Thursday.

Brian Wansink has been removed from all teaching and research positions and will retire at the end of the school year next June, Cornell said in a statement.

Wansink had previously helped update the U.S. dietary guidelines and is known for his research on consumer behavior, which has been widely cited including in articles by The Associated Press.

That’s right, gentle readers.  Wansink was instrumental in providing the “science” underpinning Michelle Obama’s starvation and food poisoning of America’s youth.  Hope! Change!  If you want to keep your doctor, you can keep your doctor!

Cornell says Wansink’s academic misconduct also included “problematic statistical techniques, failure to properly document and preserve research results, and inappropriate authorship.

I’m sure this is just an isolated incident…oh…

Seven other of Wansink’s papers had been previously retracted, according to the website Retraction Watch.

Scrutiny of Wansink’s work began after a 2016 blog post in which he recounted giving a data set to a graduate student and telling her there’s ‘got to be something here we can salvage.’ That caught the attention of Dutch graduate student Tim van der Zee and others, who subsequently began reviewing Wansink’s work and finding errors.

‘The way he talked about his research was highly questionable,’ van der Zee said.

You don’t say.

Ivan Oransky, a co-founder of Retraction Watch who teaches medical journalism at New York University, says Wansink appears to have engaged in a practice in which researchers cherry-pick data points to get their work published.

The Daily Caller adds some seasoning to this school lunch debacle: 

Cornell University food marketing professor Brian Wansink has come under fire for employing misleading research practices in his studies that have influenced policies in nearly 30,000 school lunchrooms across the U.S.

Wansink is the co-director of the Smarter Lunchrooms Movement, a program backed by $22 million in federal funds that provides guidance to promote healthy eating in school lunchrooms.

The Smarter Lunchrooms program says its recommendations are scientifically backed in part by two research studies conducted by Wansink.

His experiments found that elementary school children aged eight to 11 are more likely to forego junk food in favor of healthy foods if given ’creative, age-appropriate names’ such as ‘X-Ray Vision Carrots,’ ‘All-Star Apples,’ and ‘Kooky Cucumbers.’

The Department of Agriculture has doled out up to $2,000 in training grants to each of the nearly 30,000 schools that have adopted Smarter Lunchrooms’ guidance.

The USDA described the training grants as an “important component” of former First Lady Michelle Obama’s initiative to combat childhood obesity, in a 2014 press release,

The only problem, as reported by BuzzFeed News, is that both of the Wasnick studies used to scientifically back the Smarter Lunchrooms program have since been retracted after it was discovered he surveyed pre-school children aged three to five, not elementary children aged eight to 11 as originally reported.

This kinds of sounds like the Obama Administration’s throwing billions down the alternate energy rathole:

Wansink is a self-described “world-renowned eating behavior expert.” His work on human behavior and eating has been backed by over $10.6 million in federal and private research grants, according to his curriculum vitae.

Now wait just one minute!  No Obama funded researcher would have ever done anything wrong!  Right?  The Obama Administration was the most transparent and ethical in history.  We know because Barack Obama said so himself.

In one email, Wansink directed Siğirci to ‘squeeze some blood out of this rock,’ referring to a dataset from a previously failed study.

‘I will try to dig out the data in the way you described,’ Siğirci responded.

Brian Nosek, the executive director of the Center for Open Science, told BuzzFeed News that Wansink’s conduct amounts to ‘academic misconduct.’

‘[T]his is not science, it is storytelling,’ Nosek said.

Impossible!  The Obamites used this to justify their school lunch pogrom!

It does very much seem like this Brian Wansink investigator is a consistent and repeated offender of statistics,’ added Susan Wei, a University of Minnesota biostatistician. ‘He’s so brazen about it, I can’t tell if he’s just bad at statistical thinking, or he knows that what he’s doing is scientifically unsound but he goes ahead anyway.

Hmmm.  Brazen, incompetent, or knowingly lying.  Come to think of it, that does sound like the Age of Obama.  What a shame no one knew about this sort of thing until after the Obamas left office.  If only someone had warned us… 

Oh.  I guess they did.