Screen Shot 2016-08-24 at 8.28.42 PMIn October of 2015, I wrote No Good Guy Guns On Campus: How’s That Workin’ Out For Ya?  I commented on one Professor Emeritus Daniel Hamermesh, who resigned rather than face the horror of students exercising their right to self-defense:

Hamermesh makes a second, exceedingly common, progressive argument, an article of faith, really: guns have a magical ability to compel people to violence. If guns are at hand, any disagreement, any flare of temper, will result in gunfire. For a Texan, this is the epitome of denial of data and experience.

Texas was a pioneer in the national concealed carry experiment, and the resulting long years of experience reveal Hamermesh’s fears to be unfounded. In Texas and elsewhere, citizens willing to go through the time and expense of obtaining a concealed carry permit—whether such a thing is reasonable or even constitutional is a topic for another article—are uncommonly law-abiding and emotionally stable, as logic could easily predict.

Hamermesh also seems to fail to understand that one can’t obtain such a permit until the age of 21, which means that most students able to legally carry will be seniors, people well-steeped in academic culture, more experienced and mature than most college students.

Hamermesh also ignores perhaps the most fundamental fact of the gun free school zone debate: criminals—and those contemplating mass murder—do not obey the law. No gun-free zone prohibition will deter them. In other words, one need have no fear of the law abiding carrying any weapon. Hamermesh’s fears, by any measure, are not based in logic, reason, data, or experience, particularly in Texas.

Jessica Jin

Jessica Jin

Former Professor Hamermesh was not the only person–staff or student–displaying rabid, though confused, hoplophobia. One Jessica Jin, then a student, was instrumental (that’s a joke–you’ll see) in planning a rather unique protest. Students would affix dildos–of all shapes, sizes and colors; can’t be too diverse–to their backpacks, book bags, and perhaps even themselves, to protest people lawfully carrying concealed handguns on the University of Texas at Austin campus, as I wrote about a week later in Guns and Dildos (now there’s a niche magazine title for you):

I recently wrote about Prof. Hamermesh’s fear of the law-abiding and inanimate objects. And speaking of inanimate objects, I get Jin’s point (get it), and the thrust (snicker) of her general argument, but the argument that a firearm would be no more effective than a dildo in stopping an attack in a school puts me in a state of logical dysfunction (LD), for which there is no Viagra equivalent. That being the case, why not signs proclaiming “No Dildo” zones? They’d certainly be more amusing and might momentarily confuse a potential shooter. I’d also like to know the name of a single student ever punished by the university or arrested and prosecuted for the possession and/or use of a sex toy on campus. I strongly suspect that this is a violation of the penile code (heheheheheheheeeee!) that is never enforced.

In any case, I’m looking forward to August in Austin when lissome young women affix colorful dildos to their backpacks and get the college mating season off to a bang. The photos should be grand. Perhaps a new song for the occasion? “Love is a many dildoed thing…’

I’m soooo ashamed of myself—heheheheheeeee!

Well, now the time has come. Those properly licensed can carry, and no doubt are carrying handguns on campus, and those opposing them have a catchy name for their protest and organization. Via the Texas Tribune: 

Austin stores and companies like Hustler Hollywood and HUM vibrators (known as ‘the first artificially intelligent vibrator’) donated the sex toys after hearing about Cocks Not Glocks, López said. The full supply was gone in about 23 minutes, a distribution rate of almost 200 per minute.

‘This isn’t just a local issue,’ López said. ‘Gun violence is a public health issue that affects everybody. It resonated with a lot of people, and since certain groups had the props we needed, they generously decided to reach out and help.

And as everyone knows, one of the most effective public health tools is the ubiquitous dildo. “Take one of these and call me in the morning.”

The law has been a particular point of contention at UT-Austin among both students and faculty. Architecture school Dean Fritz Steiner resigned in February saying he ‘didn’t believe in’ campus carry, and recently a federal judge denied the request of three professors who filed suit seeking an injunction to block implementation of the law.

The Cocks Not Glocks movement was created by UT alumna Jessica Jin last October after she learned that sex toys, but not firearms, would still be banned in classrooms.

Ooohhh. So that’s it!

As long as you have a dick on your backpack, people will be thinking about the guns inside of other people backpacks’ Jin said Tuesday, dildo strapped to her backpack.

On the Cocks Not Glocks Facebook event, Jin wrote: ‘The State of Texas has decided that it is not at all obnoxious to allow deadly concealed weapons in classrooms, however it does have strict rules about free sexual expression, to protect your innocence. You would receive a citation for taking a dildo to class before you would get in trouble for taking a gun to class. Heaven forbid the penis.’

UT’s obscenity policy states that ‘no person or organization will distribute or display on the campus any writing or visual image, or engage in any public performance, that is obscene … as defined in Texas Penal Code, Section 43.21 or successor provisions.

Those darned penile codes! I’ll just bet thousands of UT students have been arrested for dildo possession on campus. What’s that? Austin is a desert island of virulent ultra-progressivism in the relative Texas sea of conservatism? Its pseudo-official motto is “keep Austin weird?” Even Ms. Jin and other anti-liberty advocates haven’t produced so much as a single instance of anyone having been arrested for dildo possession. And this is better yet:

But the dildo distribution was ‘protected political speech,’ university spokesman J.B. Bird said in an email.

‘UT Austin students are free to express themselves peacefully on all issues,” he said. “The planned protests around campus carry appear to be examples of protected political speech. We ask that the conversations around this issue remain civil. We encourage students of all opinions to be a part of this and other discussions of public policy.

Yeah, well, wait until some student straps a Long Dong Silver automatic assault dildo–that’s right: an LDS-15–to their backpack! We’ll see how strong the university’s dedication to “protected political speech” is then, won’t we? There is, however, a counter protest that doesn’t involve sex toys, or at least not quite so obviously. Via m.chron.com:

The Second Amendment rights group Open Carry Texas plans to protest Wednesday’s event, but founder and president CJ Grisham did not bring his group to Tuesday night’s proceedings, saying, ‘There’s only so many dildos [one] can look at.’

You know, gentle readers, I’ve always had an upper limit on dildo exposure too.  My favorite part is some folks have come up with a sort of “meet me halfway”–isn’t that what one is supposed to do with a dildo?– logo and are merchandising it:

Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 10.34.58 PM

Our goal is to support our student members and to show that UT is not unanimously against campus carry,’ Grisham said. ‘A lot of people support the right to self-defense on a college campus.’

I love this:

On Wednesday, 4,500 dildos will be distributed on the UT-Austin campus in protest of the polarizing state law. About 10,000 students have signed up to attend the rally. It’s not known if there will be dildos for those without them or if there has been a run on area dildo stores in advance of the rally.

Snicker, snicker, heh-heh-heh! “Area dildo stores?!” Austin has stores specializing in, perhaps exclusively selling, dildos? “A run on area dildo stores…” Just envision that, gentle readers, but not while you’re drinking anything lest it explode from your nose. And 4500 dildos?! I don’t know…isn’t that awfully male and patriarchal and all? I’m feeling a macro aggression coming on…  In any case, it must have been like flowers covering a pristine alpine meadow.  The color!  The natural splendor of it all!

At least someone has a sense of humor at UT:

A pro-gun group that advocates for the concealed carry of handguns by Texas college students says that it approves of recent protests involving sex toys.

Students for Concealed Carry released a statement early Wednesday saying they embraced dildo use by University of Texas at Austin students this week, who are protesting the controversial campus carry law. The regulation took effect Aug. 1, 2016, and allows students and staff with concealed carry licenses to bring firearms to campus.

Brian Bensimon, Texas state director of Students for Concealed Carry, said in a statement, ‘If carrying a phallus to class helps you express yourself, go for it. We welcome this demonstration that freedom of speech and concealed carry of handguns can coexist on the same campus.’ [skip]

But Bensimon did say that the dildos should only be used for recreational or political purposes while on campus, lest the group get into hot water with school officials. The sex toys violate the school’s obscenity clause, to boot.

‘Using a dildo as a defensive weapon could classify it as a ‘club,’ which, under Texas law, is illegal to carry in public and constitutes a felony if carried into a building on campus,’ the group’s statement says.

Thanks Brian. That’s an important safety tip. You just know with all those dildos being carried around, somebody is going to use one!

Although SCC’s (Students for Concealed Carry) opinion shouldn’t be taken as legal advice, we feel that Texas students are on pretty solid legal ground as long as they use their dildos only as expressions of free speech or for the manufacturers’ intended purpose,’ the statement continues.

Considering this is Texas, maybe the dildo-displaying students can meet up with the many truck testicle fanciers and put together a complete movement of some sort. I’m just not quite sure what they’d be protesting…

Let’s review:  UT students are carrying around 4500–or so–dildos to protest the illegality of dildos, which school officials say are protected free speech, so there is no chance anyone will be arrested for dildo possession, and the sight of dildos on backpacks is supposed to remind people that some UT students might be carrying concealed firearms, because apparently without the dildo reminder, no one would be reminded of that.  Right.

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