The current presidential race is making history for a variety of reasons, but this one will be worthy of more than a footnote. For the first time in memory, and likely the history of the republic, a presidential candidate assured Americans of the size of his–ahem–below the border strategy. Via 

And I have to say this, I have to say this, he hit my hands,’ Trump said. ‘Nobody has ever hit my hands, I’ve never heard of this.’

‘Look at those hands,’ Trump said, holding up his hands for the audience. ‘Are they small hands?’

‘And he referred to my hands, if they’re small, something else must be small, I guarantee you there’s no problem,’ Trump said.

And so, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, there can now be no doubt that Mr. Trump has committed the heinous crime of conflating the size of his penis with the dignity and honor of the office of President of the United States. The law, and common sense and decency, compel you to find him guilty and to impose the maximum penalty: deny him the Republican nomination and the presidency.

Your honor, the prosecution rests.