Guns and Dildos

Jessica Jin: Future Dildo Dangler
credit: sydneymorningherald

Sometimes what initially seems clever just turns out to be really silly, as in this story from The Sydney Morning Herald: 

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?” In the US, it’s probably a gun – but at the University of Texas in Austin, students who don’t like weapons are planning a protest that is truly below-the-belt.

From August next year, a new law will allow Texas students to carry concealed handguns in classrooms, dormitories and other college buildings, as long as they hold the appropriate gun license. The measure, known as the “campus carry law,” was passed earlier this year.

By contrast, students who bring sex toys onto campus run the risk of being reprimanded for obscenity under the Texas Penal Code and the university’s rules.

So, on the first day of class next August, thousands of students will arm themselves with plastic penises to demonstrate their displeasure with the new laws.

Well then. This is obviously an extension (get it?) of the common Texas practice of hanging testicles from the rear bumper of pickup trucks.  I’ve often wondered about that one.  Can’t you just imagine auto accessory executives brainstorming in a boardroom somewhere?  What possess one of them to suddenly leap up and exclaim:  I’ve got it!  We’ll make plastic testicles to hang on the back of pickup trucks!”  “Brilliant” another ejaculates.  “In colors,” spurts another.

We are strapping gigantic swinging dildos to our backpacks in protest of campus carry,’ wrote student Jessica Jin, who created the Facebook event ‘Campus DILDO Carry’.

‘Just about as effective at protecting us from sociopathic shooters, but much safer for recreational play.

I could, of course make a variety of jokes about not going off half-cocked, about rising to the occasion, about shooting one’s wad on a futile gesture, etc., but this scruffy little blog is far too classy for that sort of thing (heh, heh, heh).

credit: urko dorronsoro sagasti/flickr

On Monday the proposed protest spread rapidly around the internet, with more than 2000 people vowing to attend. The spirit of the event was succinctly captured in the hashtag #CocksNotGlocks, which became the subject of much discussion on Twitter.

The campus carry law in Texas will allow students to carry concealed handguns inside buildings, including in the classroom. The final version of the law allowed private colleges to opt out and gave universities the right to declare certain zones as ‘gun-free’. [skip]

Last week, a professor at the same university announced he would withdraw from the college due to the looming campus carry law, and instead spend a semester teaching at the University of Sydney.

In a letter to the university’s president, economics professor emeritus Daniel S. Hamermesh said he felt the law would endanger his safety on campus.

‘With a huge group of students, my perception is that the risk that a disgruntled student might bring a gun into the classroom and start shooting at me has been substantially enhanced by the concealed-carry law,’ he wrote. ‘Out of self-protection I have chosen to spend part of next Fall [autumn] at the University of Sydney, where, among other things, this risk seems lower.

I recently wrote about Prof. Hamermesh’s fear of the law-abiding and inanimate objects. And speaking of inanimate objects, I get Jin’s point (get it), and the thrust (snicker) of her general argument, but the argument that a firearm would be no more effective than a dildo in stopping an attack in a school puts me in a state of logical dysfunction (LD), for which there is no Viagra equivalent. That being the case, why not signs proclaiming “No Dildo” zones? They’d certainly be more amusing and might momentarily confuse a potential shooter. I’d also like to know the name of a single student ever punished by the university or arrested and prosecuted for the possession and/or use of a sex toy on campus. I strongly suspect that this is a violation of the penile code (heheheheheheheeeee!) that is never enforced.

In any case, I’m looking forward to August in Austin when lissome young women affix colorful dildos to their backpacks and get the college mating season off to a bang. The photos should be grand. Perhaps a new song for the occasion? “Love is a many dildoed thing…”

I’m soooo ashamed of myself—heheheheheeeee!