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131218_lowry_pajamaboyRemember Pajama Boy and his admonition to talk with your family and friends about the glories and wonders of Obamacare? That one didn’t work out so well for the Obamites. As a matter of fact, Obamacare isn’t working out at all well for Americans. But the Obamites are not deterred, and for the Fourth of July, doubled down on stupid by employing the same kind of marketing methods commonly used for the most idiotic commercial products:

Frowning Actress: “Gosh, my sensitive anal area is certainly uncomfortable.”

Smiling Actress: “You should do what I do: use triple acting Anal Itch!

Frowning Actress: “Triple acting Anal Itch?”

Smiling Actress (displaying the package): “Yes, triple acting Anal Itch! With the refreshing scent of pine!

Frowning Actress (smiling and nodding): “I’m going to try triple acting Anal Itch today!”

Announcer: If you like your anal itch, you can keep your anal itch with triple acting Anal Itch! That’s triple acting Anal Itch! Get it today!

The actual Health and Human Services blog featured ideas about how to talk with family about Obamacare, but not just for any occasion, for the Fourth of July! As you read these examples, try to conjure an understanding of what kind of mind would think that parroting progressive Obamacare talking points would be even remotely on the minds of Americans over the Independence Day holidays.

This Fourth of July, families across the nation will gather around hot dogs (or their favorite vegetarian alternative) and potato salad to spend some quality time together, watch fireworks and reflect on the holiday’s meaning. But as much as we love our families – and we do, seriously –we don’t always agree when it comes to current events, like last week’s Supreme Court decision upholding tax credits that help make insurance under the Affordable Care Act (ACA) more affordable for millions of people.

Misinformation about the ACA is everywhere, and there’s been a lot of money spent to spread that misinformation – as much as half a billion dollars in ads, according to one 2014 estimate. Not surprisingly, many Americans still don’t know how changes the law made to insurance and the health care system can help improve their lives.

You should be prepared when Aunt Janine says something like, ‘Obamacare hasn’t helped anyone!’ So here are a few points to remember during this long holiday weekend:

No, I’m not kidding. This isn’t a parody.  The federal government actually wants you to do this and thinks you’re so simple-minded you will!

Situation: Uncle Ted claims Obamacare is a train wreck and has cost jobs.

You say: Uncle Ted, you’ve gotten ahold of some old talking points. With greater access to affordable, quality health insurance, the Affordable Care Act is helping individuals and strengthening our economy!

And because you’re sufficiently socially inept–you’re probably wearing your plaid pajamas at the family picnic–to bring this up in the first place, you can’t resist adding these easily remembered, acceptable-by-everybody talking points:

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Since the main components of the law went into effect, we’ve reduced the number of uninsured by 16.4 million, the largest increase in the insured in decades. Before the ACA, the U.S. economy faced rapidly growing health costs that put enormous pressure on businesses and consumers. We paid more than any country without better health results, and millions of Americans were one illness away from bankruptcy. Today, we’ve seen the slowest growth in health costs in half a century, improved patient safety has saved an estimated 50,000 lives and $12 billion, and employer premiums for family coverage grew just 3 percent in 2014, tied with 2010 for the lowest on record back to 1999.

Meanwhile, since the ACA was signed, the private sector has added 12.8 million jobs over 64 straight months of job growth, extending the longest streak on record. The increase in employment over that period is due almost entirely to higher full-time employment. The number of people working part-time who would prefer to be full-time has fallen by 2.6 million from March 2010 through May 2015, including a decline of 1.1 million since December 2013.

Now, would you like more corn?

Oh, so that’s it! You were holding the corn hostage until Uncle Ted was forced to hear the whole thing. That’ll make for happy family relations. How about this one:

Situation: Your brother has a great idea for a start-up, but he’s afraid to lose benefits when he leaves his current job.

You say: The Affordable Care Act can help! (Note: The exclamation point denotes enthusiasm about the ACA, not an instruction to scream at your family.)

Today, all Americans can go online to a Health Insurance Marketplace and shop for quality health coverage. If you decide to start your own business, change jobs or you get laid off, that doesn’t mean you have to lose health coverage.

And thanks to the Affordable Care Act, many people qualify for tax credits to help pay for their coverage, no matter which state they live in – a benefit solidified by last week’s Supreme Court decision. For 2015 coverage, about 80 percent of Marketplace shoppers on Healthcare.gov had the option of buying coverage for $100 or less per month after tax credits.  Affordable health insurance is within reach for more people than in any time in recent history.

Your Mother To the Police Dispatcher: Come quick! My son has just impaled his brother on a barbecued chicken! He’s screaming “Yeah? Well see how easy Obamacare is to reach, you pajama wearing weenie!”

They really do think we’re idiots.

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