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AnnistonI just don’t know what it is. Wherever there are vapid and intellectually shallow protests that involve nubile young women exposing body parts, I’m always somewhere else, usually in another state entirely. Sigh. Of course, protests whose main feature is the exposure of female body parts seldom involve substantial brainpower. I’m not picking on women or their naked body parts. The same goes for a great many pursuits by both genders, or the multitude of pseudo genders now being dreamed up. College Insurrection has the report: 

A crowd of female UC San Diego students took off their shirts and bras and hung around a grassy quad with their breasts exposed Wednesday in a protest against indecency laws.

The coeds were joined by male students as well in a 30-minute demonstration dubbed ‘Free The Nipple.’ Dozens of students took part. Organizers provided snacks, water, music, body paint and masks for ‘those who want to participate but conceal their identity,’ according to an event flier.

California. No wonder. I had no idea nipples were so oppressed, but then again, I’m a white male, so what do I know? But hey, I’m all for individual liberty, particularly any that involves female nipples.

The rally took place on a campus that neighbors a public beach that allows nudity. The sit-in was advertised as a chance to challenge ‘social norms and show everyone that changing the world is as simple as taking off our shirts.’

‘Why is it OK that boys can do it but I can’t,’ protest co-organizer Anni Ma said in a promo video. ‘It shouldn’t be illegal. It should be my choice to do what I want to do.

Right. What she said.

Various images from Wednesday’s protest show many students took off their shirts and were naked from the waist up. Others kept their bras on or covered their nipples with body paint. Phrases such as ‘still not asking for it’ and ‘TITS: Sorry, did I offend you?’ could be seen on signs and backsides. Some students remained dressed but hung out with demonstrators in solidarity with their cause.

Right. Solidarity. I’m all about solidarity, particularly where nipples are concerned.

Typically nudity in public spaces violates San Diego municipal codes and UCSD student code of conduct, but the university [said] they support the students and their First Amendment rights,’ reports ABC News. 

Pre-freed nipple poster

Pre-freed nipple poster

Well of course. The modern university is all about freedom of speech, as long as it’s the right–er, left–kind of speech. Apparently the language of naked female nipples crosses all cultural lines and must be very diverse and inclusive. Nipples must be supported! The USCD Guardian, the local student newspaper, also erected some prominent and pointed prose (I’m so ashamed of myself):

The event began with Ma announcing at the beginning of the event that she will ‘free’ her breasts, after which both male and female participants removed their shirts.

What symbolism! What liberation! What a statement! You go girls!

Thurgood Marshall College junior Aubrey Oxley said to the Guardian that society has been coercing women to be afraid of exposing their bodies and there is no reason for women to be afraid of what is natural.

‘[As] women, we shouldn’t be uncomfortable with our bodies because these are the bodies that we have, these are the bodies that we are born with,’ Oxley said. ‘There’s no reason for us to feel afraid other than just that what society has made us feel. We’ve been socialized to be afraid.


Wow. Talk about courage! Can you just imagine the crushing social pressure she had to overcome that day? All the college age men screaming: “no! No nipples! Ahhhhh!” And speaking of courage:

Eleanor Roosevelt College freshman Annika Reno stated that, although participating in the event made her feel uncomfortable, it was a necessary act.

‘It is uncomfortable for everyone, but it is something that needs to be done,’ Reno said. ‘I think that the fact that it isn’t comfortable makes it even more compelling and revolutionary.

Oh yeah, revolutionary, man! Power to the nipples; right on! Rise up against the heteronormative oppressors, and the bras…and stuff… I can just see the nipple t-shirts now; why, they’ll make Che t-shirts passé.

It was not until the 1930s that men in the United States were legally allowed to publicly expose their nipples. Now, women across the nation are campaigning for legalization of the public exposure of female nipples, declaring that it should be considered a right.

Well there you go. I can see it now: the equal nipples amendment to the Constitution. Talk about landmark legislation that will change the way Americans see liberty…and nipples…and stuff…

When you know you’re right, it’s not scary,’ Ma told the Guardian. ‘I want everyone to be comfortable with their bodies and to be comfortable enough to see other people being comfortable [with] their own bodies.

I couldn’t agree more. I think women should be comfortable with their bodies and with others who are comfortable with being comfortable about being comfortable with women’s bodies that are comfortable with nipples being comfortable with other nipples. I mean, it will all be so, so, comfortable.

Of course, were I present for such an event, I would look at the free nipples only because I’m far too polite to avoid looking for fear of making anyone uncomfortable. What’s the protocol for that, by the way? “Hi. What lovely nipples you have?” Or perhaps, “you know, I’m very comfortable with your nipples, but her nipples frighten me?” Of course, I would also look purely for the benefit of science. Observation and field work are important in science you know.  So is collecting samples…

Still, Steve Martin was right when he said:

Breasts make men stupid.

Men just ruin everything, don’t they?