, , , ,


Every year, I keep the inadvertently funny things my students write.  In many cases, these grammatical train wrecks are written by very good students who, like all of us, occasionally find our minds wandering beyond our ability to call them back.  If you have any difficultly understanding why any of these are humorous, look to spelling, another common human failing.  Enjoy!

Sounds Like A Groovy Funeral: “I’m going to call in a pot plant to be sent to the funeral…”

Banning Books Makes You Gay? Homosexuality is a common occurrence while trying to ban the book.”

Overheard In Class: You don’t know what’s going on up in my bladder.”

I’ve Heard About That: The concussion of the movie didn’t make sense and was hard to follow.”

I’ve Heard About That Too: The setting of the wedding was wounderful.”

Overheard In Class (by a white girl): I’m like, an albino black.”

A Question In Class:

Student: “Are we gonna do any religious stuff?”

Teacher: “No.”

Student: “Thank God!”

They Looked Like Electric Motor Parts? “The actors looked like complete armatures.”

It Had No Hops? “The suffrage of the people was hopless.”

Girl In Class: “I know my nuts.”

Could You Repeat That: “He uses ‘reiterate’ a lot.”

So That’s What It Does: “By studding music you can increase your SAT scores…”

Inadvertently Profound: “Anyone that is in love is amateur.”

Well, Yeah…: “He was in a good utopia.”

Well, Yeah…: “This story made me realize how thankful I am for my life, because one day I will have to stop living it.”

Well, Yeah…: “I think it [a book] would have been less meaningful if I had read it myself because I don’t read.”

Well, Yeah…: “Morrie told him: ‘love each other or perish,’ which means we need to love each other or we will perish.”

Insane Indeed: “It’s crazy to think a teacher can impact your life.”

They Inflicted Me!: “Hearing the infliction of another’s voice as they read allows your mind to wander to new places.”

Well, Yeah…: Overall it was a great book and I would read it again if I wanted to.”

No Kidding: “Being a teenage pregnancy is very difficult.”

What does the Soothsayer tell Caesar? “You wear the ides of March.”

Errare Humanum Est:. “To hair is human.”

Literary Confusion: “In the novel The Pearl by John Steinbeck greed and prejudice are two important literary techniques used.”

More Literary Confusion: “Prejudice is used in the novel to add imagery to the characters.”

More Literary Confusion: “Because in the Bible, the story about Adam and Eve, it said that Eve talked Adam into eating the poisonous apple that killed him.”

The great Muslim warrior who fought the Crusaders was: “Osama Bin Laden.” 

The great Muslim warrior who fought the Crusaders was: “The Great Muslim.”

The great Muslim warrior who fought the Crusaders was: “Moses.”

The great Muslim warrior who fought the Crusaders was: “Johann Guttenberg.”

The great Muslim warrior who fought the Crusaders was: “Superman.”

The author of the separation of church and state was: “Muslim.”

The author of the separation of church and state was: Batman.”

“Catholic” means (translation): Muslim.” (note: it means “universal”)

King Arthur’s sword was called: “Black Ivy?”

King Arthur’s sword was called: “Ol’ Reliable.”

King Arthur’s sword was called: “Betty.” 

That Could Be Confusing: The speaker realizes that he can’t get what he wants because he doesn’t know when he will meet his face.”

You Have To Fly To Do That? “The story gives hints that he is a pilot such as ‘I know that I shall meet my fat somewhere among the clouds above.”

They Must Not Like The Outfits: “Sonic has been inundated with complaints from costumers.”

It’s Loose! “Dreamin’ Again by J. Croce is about loosing your love.”

It’s Loose Again! “The Truth The Dead Know’ by Anne Sexton is a poem about the lonliness of a young girl when she looses her loved ones.”

Eternal Truths Department: “Only dead people have funerals.”

Uh, Is There Video? “That is debauchery at its best.”

Does That Hurt? “Dreamin’ Again’ by J. Croce is about a heartbroken man who missies his significant other. ”

Well, We All Have Regrets: “I dreaded that we were lovers,’ is what the man says about him and the girl.”

That’s Unbearable! “The speaker would like to help man escape his grizzly fate.”

Bigfoot? “This is suggested in the poem by ‘goodbye Harlem on the rocks so bigfooted you forgot the latest joke.”

Uh…: “The house was bereft of crackers. We were cracka-lackin’.”

Sounds Like Fun: “…launch a new era of comical space vehicles.”

Sounds Dangerous: “The flights of Spaceship One were histeric because they were the first private owned ship to launch into space.”

So It Ended At The End Then? “The conclusion was well executed and effective. It ended where the story ended.”

Good Music Department: “The music fits very well with the music in this film.”

Huh? “I would want a doctor like Dr. Sayer to treat me because he didn’t only care for his patients but he talked to them as they weird people instead of sick mental patients (not saying mental patients aren’t people).”

Rock On, Dudes! “McDaniel does a good job of putting a clear metal image into the minds of those who read his story.”

Uh, OK…: “The dialogue was real but fake….”

Uh, What? “There were not any special effects, which is impressive because our movies of today are usually considered bad.”

So That’s Great Acting: “Take for instance when Leonard was walking and he started to get sick again. That was great acting.”

He Backward It Got: “When I saw my present I had a sententious face on my look.”

You Have To Be Wary Of Those Cults: “In the book it was a Luger, but in the movie it was a cult revolver.”

Fudd Style: “So in a way George was moral, because he let Lennie die with peace, and let him ‘tend the wabbits’ in the end.”

Going Places: “Curley’s wife and Candy’s dog were both see as processions in the book, and the movie.”

At The End Of The What? “Which was foreshadowing the way George was going to kill Lennie at the end of the tail.”

If Shakespeare Could Make Up Words, Why Can’t We? “But as things take a turn for the worst in the end, both the movie and book ended the story fanomonously.”

Medium-Rare For Me, Please: “Near the end of the novel, George goes to the spot where he told Lennie to meat him…”

You’re Canned: “I don’t know what happened, but I remember Tai pickling me up and running back to camp.”

May The Funk Be With You: “The funk is strong with this one.”

Could You Be A Bit More Specific? “The reason these are so important is because.”

I Like BBQ Too, But…: “The little gril was mellifluous.”

Uh, You’re Welcome… “Thank you for all you’ve don’t for us this year.”