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rvmoxmswhdjpenczzsbtEvery Friday I write a fractured headline on the board for my classes. Their task is to figure out what the copy editors meant to say, but obviously missed then they write the correct version. It’s harder than it sounds: the brain tries to make sense of what obviously doesn’t make sense. It takes awhile for the kids to allow themselves to see what’s actually there, but they eventually get it, and it also teaches an important lesson: the mainstream media isn’t infallible.

One of the most recent headlines was:

Cops Quiz Victim In Fatal Shooting

I bet he didn’t have much to say. Here’s one I just saw:

Former NFL players: Brady’s obviously lying about his balls

Yeah, I hate it when that happens. Here’s a list of good ones from Danoah.com. Take the link if you’d like to see them in their original newsprint formats.

Diana Was Still Alive Hours Before She Died

Student excited dad got head job 

The family that plays together… 

Missippi’s literacy program shows improvement 

Lady Jacks off to hot start in conference

Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs

Republicans turned off by size of Obama’s package 

Girl’s schools still offering ‘something special’–head

Illiteracy an obstable, study finds 

It’s probably an inpidamunt too…

Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says

One would hope they’re his… 

A-Rod goes deep, Wang hurt

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25

Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

Marijuana issues sent to a joint committee

Homeless survive winter: Now What?

Homicide victims rarely talk to police 

That was certainly my experience…

17 Remain Dead In Morgue Shooting Spree

Let us know if their condition changes… 

Cow urine makes for juicy lemons

I’d like to see that lemonade stand…

Worker suffers leg pain after crane drops 800-pound ball on his head

Bridges help people cross rivers 

City unsure why the sewer smells 

Government: indispensable!

Study Shows Frequent Sex Enchances Pregnancy Chances

So that’s what does it…

Meeting on open meetings is closed

Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives a New Attorney 

Puerto Rican teen names mistress of the universe

It’s always nice to find industrious young people…

Caskets found as workers demolish mausoleum

Meat head resigns

Barbershop singers bring joy to school for deaf

What’s next: mime at the school for the blind?

Hospitals resort to hiring doctors

Man with 8 DUI’s blames drinking problem

New sick policy requires 2-day notice 

Nudists fight erection of towers near Wreck Beach

Film at 11:00…

Parents keep kids home to protest school closure

That’ll show ‘em…

Police arrest everyone on February 22nd

So that’s what that new jail construction was about…

Rally against apathy draws small crowd

I don’t care about that…

Starvation can lead to health hazards

The bra celebrates a pair of historic milestones this year

Total lunar eclipse will be broadcast live on Northwoods Public Radio

“Yes Bob, it’s getting darker, darker…”

Rangers get whiff of Colon

Miracle cure kills fifth patient

And here are some accidently sexual headlines from Complex.com. Again, take the link to see the newsprint originals.

Condom truck tips, spills load

Bonnie blows Clinton

Isn’t this a dog bites man story? 

Under 15s are all stripped and ready for action

Film at 11:00… 

Man beats off cougar with his bare hands

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, granny was beating off the Indians… 

Colleagues Finger Billionaire 

Film at 11:00…

Scott wants head job

Film at 11:00…

After sex sting, AP governor Tiwari ejects prematurely

Oh, you know…

Freshman Talley makes best of her 2 soggy holes

Have a good week!